This year marked the 10 year anniversary of when I graduated from Western High School in Las Vegas Nevada. About a month or two ago I started to receive Facebook alerts for an event created by a girl who was the most popular female in our senior class. She was setting up for our reunion and was looking to get everyone involved in it which was when I first got apprehensive about the whole thing. Growing up you always imagine your reunion to be held in the gym of your high school where they have an open bar (limit two drinks per person) and you walk around with a nametag so that the people who didn’t know you/give a shit about knowing you can pretend to remember your name and talk about their kids and health care plans. Apparently at our school, if you want a reunion you have to pay for and set that beast up all by yourselves so that was kind of disappointing. They locked down the location recently and it is to be held at a local, tiny, and also fairly crappy bar/pub that accommodates about 80 people. It’s a dive bar. Not a good one either. I mean, it’s almost fitting to have it at a bar since this is Vegas and clichés and what-not but really? Not even one of the millions of banquet halls or venues all over Las Vegas, the best they could do was a tiny bar. Thanks guys. Another thing that makes me apprehensive about attending this event is that I didn’t really like HS. It wasn’t some blasty blast filled with crazy parties and wild times. I spent most of my free time in those days in my room playing N64 and PS1 games or studying my lines for the next school play. I had a few friends of course but these are people who are still my friends to this day so if I wanna get drunk at some shit bar with them all I have to do is send out a few texts. Why would I want to go hang out in a smokey room with a bunch of people who used to call me Daria? Maybe I can reconnect with that cunt who bullied me like “Hey remember when you put white out on my backpack and thought it was the funniest thing ever? Yeeeahhhh good times, man.” Fuck that. No thank you. Although I gotta say, it would be great to rub a few things in their faces like how the majority of them are now hideously overweight and unemployed whereas I have aged like fucking wine and have a kickass job where I get to wear a suit and be bossy. Or that the girl who used to sit in the back of the class wearing baggy sweaters in the summer and no makeup now has a Tumblr page dedicated to her and even managed to gain one or two internet fans for just being myself. I am not the same person I was then and they wouldn’t even recognize me now so what point is there in going to some bar I hate and pretending to be stoked to see them? It just seems like such a stupid tradition to me. When I think of reunions I think of Grosse Pointe Blank and Romy and Michelle but that isn’t how it is. No synchronized dancing, no exciting moments when the nerd finally puts the prom queen in her place. It’s a bunch of aging people trying to hold onto the past by reminiscing for a few hours about how life was before they all had 4 kids and a mortgage. The glory days. I don’t want or need that because my life now is substantially better than it was back then. It feels like taking a giant step back into a time when I hated myself and pretty much hated everything else. Maybe if I don’t go, a small part of me will regret it when I’m 50 but luckily I live in the now so what 50 year old Vuko wants is entirely unimportant. That bitch is on her own.
Moving On Down June 6, 2013
I hate moving. Most people do so this announcement should come as a shock to nobody, but I have about 100 brand new reasons to despise this standard and agitating process. It all started in mid-April when I told my friend Jenny that I was looking for a house to rent, as my current lease would be ending in June. She provided me with the contact information for the realtor she had used when finding her home and I immediately sent him an email with details about what I was looking for. He got back to me within the hour and thus began the search for my new home. I picked out a few homes in April but John (my realtor) informed me that it is best to wait until closer to your move-in date to avoid paying what is known as a holding fee for the home which basically means: if you are gonna put in an application for a house in April but aren’t going to be moving in until June, you still have to pay for them to hold the house for you as they could be renting it to someone that is ready to move in sooner so I tool his advice and waited until mid-May to start going to look at homes in person. Our initial search was disappointing but on our second outing I found the one I wanted. A perfect little single story with a beautiful backyard and big kitchen, located just mere miles from my work office. We filled out the paperwork and handed in all the necessary info on the 23rd of May. I waited until the 25th to contact the leasing agent for the home at which time she told me “Oops I left your application at the office so I won’t be able to look at it until Monday! Sorry”. The Monday she was referring to was the date I had planned on moving into the new place so you can understand my frustration but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited patiently for Monday. Monday came and then I received an email from John basically saying that we were approved on C Status which is realtor jargon for ‘contingent status’. Turns out they had to speak with the owners of the home first to see if they were going to allow my two cats to live in the house but the owners are old people who are retired and ‘travel often’ so they were unable to reach them. I then had to extend my current lease to give myself some time to hear back from this horrible little leasing agent named Judi who I wish nothing but bad things on, and that cost me a sad amount of money. On June 3rd I decided to go ahead and look at a few other homes to have a backup while I waited on Judi’s bitch ass and ended up finding a two story house that was ok but I didn’t really like it enough to pump the 2 grand it would cost to move in into a home that I felt was just ‘ok’. After a day or two of serious thinking mixed in with the occasional bout of sobbing like an infant over the amount of stress this was causing me, I decided to swallow my pride and settle for another apartment. I arrived at work on the 6th and as soon as I opened my laptop I checked Apartment Guide’s website to find something I could settle for. All the places I really liked were in the range of $1200-$1600 per month and the last thing I wanted to do was pay more than a grand for some apartment that I don’t love so again, I found myself having to settle for something that was ‘ok’. Is the new place as nice as the place i’d been living for the past year? No. But it is $500 cheaper than my old place so my need to be frugal overpowered my need to have a place that is ‘pretty’. What can I say, I like nice things. I want granite counters, hardwood floors, direct access garages and top of the line appliances but I also don’t want to pay out the ass for said things so a compromise had to be made. It’s like paying for a hooker: sure, you want the $3,000 per hour girl to come rock your world but hey man, you got bills to pay so you end up getting a $50 blowjob from Trixie in the Home Depot parking lot. Sure, you didn’t get the sex you wanted but hey, at least you got your dick sucked. It’s the little things that matter most.
“Hateful, Planet of the Apes Scarecrows” December 18, 2012
The other day I was watching a movie on Netflix titled Kevin Smith:Burn In Hell and in it he addresses the group of people from the well known Westboro Baptist Church. They had a beef with him over the movie Red State (awesome movie btw) and called Kevin to inform him that they would be picketing the release of it. He actually offered the Phelps family 5 tickets to see the movie because he felt that if they were going to hold signs about how much they hated it, they should at least see it first. They not only accepted, but they went as far as to ask for 15 tickets in total. I found that interesting.
As most of you are aware, they have now planned to picket the funerals for the victims of the recent and unbelievably tragic Connecticut shootings. I read that they had claimed the shooting occurred due to “homosexuality in our country” and I just couldn’t even begin to wrap my mind around how utterly insane that sounds. Then I realized something. These hate mongering bipeds are only doing these things to get attention. Not to praise God or Jesus or to spread his word, but to get attention like some love-starved 13 year old child who was never hugged. These people are nothing but a group of total Sociopaths that only act like lunatics to feed their need to be payed attention to. Do you honestly think they would have gone to see Red State if there wasn’t a media circus involved? No way. If they truly hated the film and though it was blasphemous they would have simply picketed the movie and refused to see it. Instead, they called Smith on a podcast to inform him they would be picketing just to ensure that people heard about it. All for attention.
We can’t make them stop. The First Amendment of the United States Constitution protects the right to freedom of religion and freedom of expression from government interference. This is a double-edged sword. We have the right to speak our minds, even if it’s the most ignorant mass of hate-vomit imaginable. We can do things to help lessen their hatred like counter-picketing them or doing what the Texas A&M students did and form a human chain to physically block them from the area, but aside from that there isn’t much else we can do. Do you really want to know how to get rid of the Westboro Baptist Church? Stop paying attention to them. Stop putting them on the news. Stop giving them air time. Stop having them be featured in interviews on national television. They thrive on that shit like a sponge sucking up liquid. The more you talk about them, even if it’s about how much you loathe them, the happier they are. Sadly, the MacManus brothers from The Boondock Saints do not exist so they are not around to exact their special brand of vigilante justice. That means we will just have to fight them in a more peaceful way. The same way your mother taught you to deter bullies in grade school: If you ignore them, eventually they will get bored and stop. Even if they still exist and are always sitting in their creepy little shack of a church singing hymns about how much the flying spaghetti monster dislikes homosexuality, at least the lack of attention will cause them to stop picketing the funerals of innocent babies and soldiers. If there weren’t going to be news articles and media coverage about it, they wouldn’t be there. That church has been open since 1955. They didn’t start with these high profile funeral protests until people started putting them on T.V. Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe they would be doing that horrible shit regardless of whether or not they would get attention for it but I honestly feel like they are nothing more than a bunch of “look ate me, look at me!” sociopaths who we need to sweep under the rug and ignore.
I’d be lying if I said my first solution wasn’t violence. There are few things in this world that would bring me more joy than to curb stomp at least half the members of that ‘church’ but at the end of the day, it is not our place to hurt others. We can’t punish them for mentally hurting people by physically hurting them. As the saying goes “An Eye For An Eye Makes The Whole World Blind”. I think the hardest part of letting go of wanting pain to come to them was the mentality that they were basically “getting away with it”. No punishment for being so hateful, but sadly there is currently no law against being a bastard of a human being. Again though, it is not our place to hurt them and it would make us no better than they are to mob on them like torch wielding townspeople descending upon the location of Frankenstein’s Monster no matter how much we feel that’s what they deserve. Be the better person. Prove we are more evolved than they are. Ignore the hate.
Haters Gonna Hate: A Look Into Human Douche-baggery October 31, 2012
Ever since we were children, we’ve been exposed to human cruelty. From the day we first venture outdoors and into society, until the day we die (and sometimes ever longer than that) we are subjected to a full spectrum of human behavior. While there are many good and positive things about human beings, this blog post will focus more on the horrible and very confusing acts of rudeness, anger, and down-right doucheyness that some of us seem to take pleasure in. Do you remember the first time someone hurt your feelings? The first moment when you felt so insulted that you could only stare and utter “..how mean!” I don’t remember, which I assume has something to do with the amount of reefer I smoke but that is beside the point. I do however remember certain moments in my life where I couldn’t believe the level of cruelty that I was witnessing and I’d like to talk about these things on a psychological level. I’m curious about the “why”. Why we feel as though it’s alright to say horrible things about our acquaintances behind their backs or why internet trolls get joy from leaving rude and pointless comments on people’s Youtube videos. Better yet, why people continue to do these things knowing full well it’s uncalled for. To answer some of these questions I decided to look inward. The times in my life when I have said cruel things about people were mostly all said out of some form of envy. Case in point: I cannot fucking stand Kim Kardashian. Do I think she is a bad person? No, of course not. I have never met her so how could I say if she is either the sweetest woman alive or the vainest hose beast in creation. What I do know is one day I asked myself why I felt so much negativity towards her and realized it is because I envied her. Not her per say, but her lifestyle and wealth. With her money, she never has to work a day in her life. She can spend her time learning new languages or playing different instruments, traveling all over the world visiting different places. That is what I envy about her, it’s her freedom to simply live her life without ever having to think “Crap, can I afford all my bills this month?” And that envy caused me to say and think cruel things about her. You can ask my roommate Jessica, the simple mention of her name used to cause me to utter words like “heifer” and “assbag”. Sure, the names may make you laugh but honestly that is fucked up and so unnecessary. Will calling her names make me richer? No. Will judging her life and her decisions make me happier in my own life? No. All it does is make you feel better for one second because judging others somehow makes us feel superior. Is it something triggered in our brain? A kind of defense mechanism to avoid feeling like we are not good enough? To break down that which you think is “better” than you in an attempt to build yourself up.
Pride is another reason we go into attack mode but this mostly only happens in cases of the opposite sex. Rejection in any form is not easy to deal with and lots of people react to this by going on the offensive. A girl shoots you down when you try to ask her on a date so you spread a rumor that she has an STD or unusually shaped nipples because it’s that 5th grade sense of “HA! That’ll show you” that awakens in our brains to make us act out in an attempt to feel better about the rejection. Perfect example; I had a crush on this guy in High School who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. The fact that he didn’t like me made me sad but since I was an emotionally crippled teenager who didn’t know how to process her feelings properly that sadness just became anger and whenever he would walk by me I would give him the most evil ‘burst into flames’ glare I could muster. Inside I wanted to drag him into a classroom and rock him like a hurricane, but again, emotionally crippled so I projected only anger to deal with the rejection. Maybe we just haven’t evolved yet to the point where we no longer need to hurt others to make ourselves happy because some people just never grow out of it. I’m almost there. I can’t lie and say I don’t have the urge to be mean to people sometimes or say something demeaning about them to cheer myself up and sometimes I slip up, but I have gotten to the point now where I can stop myself from going too far with it and whenever I say something harsh I feel bad immediately afterwards and think “Why would you say that? What is the point?” so I am getting better at this. Growth is a process. Now I am just curious to know where it all comes from. Why we behave this way to begin with is what I want to understand. I wonder if this is hardwired into our DNA just like our herd mentality. For all we know the cavemen were talking smack about each other on a regular basis and painting wall art of their rivals in unflattering caricature form. I think I need to just go buy as many psychology books as possible and maybe one day I will be able to grasp where this need to be mean comes from.
If only more people adopted to mantra “Live and let live” the world would be a better place. Imagine a world where people like the Brown’s from Sister Wives could live in peace with nobody judging them and their life choices. Imagine if they encountered nothing but acceptance instead of ridicule. Maybe I listen to too much John Lennon, or my hippie upbringing has just jaded me. I guess if there is anything I want you to take away from reading this it would be to know that next time someone judges you in a negative way or insults you, it’s not YOU that has a problem, it is the person insulting you who does. There is nothing wrong with you unless you are running around talking about doing crazy things like stabbing puppies or something in which case you do have a problem and the people judging you are doing so because you are batshit crazy.
Weekend Adventures October 1, 2012
Every weekend I try to get out of the house at least once and do something exciting. Since I spend the majority of my time stuck in an office I prefer to pick weekend activities that are more outdoorsy like going to the mountains or one of the many random parks in Nevada. This past weekend I took a trip to the Wetlands Park which is one of the most interesting places I have been in awhile. I didn’t even know it existed until last week when I was researching new locations in Las Vegas. I saw several pictures and though it would be perfect for one of my little weekend trips so I grabbed my boyfriend, rolled a joint, and headed off to the other side of the town. Once we got there I knew right away this place was amazing. It’s several miles of trails that wind through a natural wetland area. 20-30 years ago this place was little more than a marsh but they have converted it into an awesome park with hiking trails, rivers, streams, and several ponds. This park is also a habitat for Nevada’s wildlife from like turtles, coyotes, quail, chipmunks, roadrunners, and bunnies 😀
We came across several places that I looked at and though to myself: “This would be a fun place to take my clothes off” so I did. I like to have pics set aside for when people buy me gifts of my amazon list so that I have something to send them as a thank you. These are some of the more PG-PG13 photos:
Then we stopped to smoke a little joint to further enjoy the nature experience.
Then we came to this area on the trail where one of the ponds had overflowed and was pouring over the sidewalk. My boyfriend and I looked at eachother and knew this place was PERFECT for skanky pictures so here are some of my favorites:
Annnnnnd here are a few “behind the scenes” photos I guess you could call them. Just random shots that I thought were kinda cute:
And here we have the most hilarious and amazing photo of my boyfriend I have ever taken. I like to have him sit where I plan on taking photos so I can see if I like the lighting etc and this time I told him “Pose like I would” and he did this:
We arrived at the park at around 2:30 and didn’t get back to the car until 6 so we were walking for about 3 hours. Thank god I had comfy shoes on or I would have been complaining the entire time 😛 So if you are ever in town and want to visit a place that isn’t raped with neon and the smell of hookers then head over to the Nevada Wetlands Park and be ready to walk for at least an hour.
About a week or so ago I had attempted to get my hair dyed purple. I went to the same girl that always does my hair and expected it to be perfect since she did such a good job when I got blue put in my hair. Since I last went to her she changed all her products to Paul Mitchell and apparently he doesn’t carry the shade of purple I wanted so this is the color I got, which is more red than anything else. The first day I got it done the top of it looked purple so I was happy but as I showered more times it got more red. I was mad but the color it is now is kinda cute so it’s not a big deal. Next time I will just go to a different stylist to get the purple done in a few months.
Booze and Birthdays June 26, 2012
Hello blog readers!! Happy Tuesday to you all and welcome to more of my nonsensical ramblings 😀 The past month or so has actually been pretty interesting so thankfully I don’t have to struggle through this post trying desperately to think of things that will amuse you enough to keep reading. Plus. there are slutty pictures in this blog so that in and of itself should be enough to make this worth reading/skimming through for photos. So let’s begin, shall we? A few weeks ago my roommate Jessica had her cousin Paula in town for a wee visit. She had recently turned 21 so naturally we all went out to get “white girl wasted” as Jessica likes to put it. Let me also just add that Paula is a fucking FOX. Not even fair. Check this girl out:
Standing next to her made me feel like I resemble Ron Howard or like…John Candy even. I do have self confidence but when I’m next to a mega-babe like this it just makes me feel frumpy. I decided to drink away my self loathing at dinner with some amazingly sugary alcoholic beverages 🙂 The Sugar Factory is my favorite place in town mostly due to the fact that their menu is themed after fatty snacks which, as most of you know, are my most favorite kind of snacks.
It is fair to say that I got a bit drunk that night. And by “a bit” I mean I got wasted then had to go wait in the car to get some air while I sent drunk texts to people that barely made any sense. Party. The next night we went to the Red Rock casino which is right down the street from where I live. We gorged ourselves at the buffet on countless plates of food that was not half bad. Then we went to see Prometheus mostly because I am going to marry Michael Fassbender and I feel as though I have to support my husband and his body of work. Now i’m thinking about his body…I need a minute…aaand i’m back. So we saw the movie in 3D and despite my apprehensions about spending $40 fucking dollars on 2 tickets I did it anyway and am soo glad I did. Fun Fact: 3D movies are the shit. I expected some lame ass movie with 2 seconds of “3d” anything but the whole movie was 3d which was pretty dam nifty. You kids and your technology these days. Jessica also got a gift card from her job to go on a little shopping trip to Top Shop so her and I drove our happy asses to the Fashion Show mall to spend other peoples money which is always fun. She got this wicked cute dress:
Yesterday (June 25th) was not only Jessica’s birthday but it was also my boyfriend’s birthday. What are the odds that my two favorite human beings were born on the same day? She turned 25 and he turned 27 so we celebrated by going to Kona Grill. I had never been there but Jess really digs that place so we went and met her family there for dinner. I won’t bore you with some food review of the place but I will bore you with pictures of fooooooood:
One of the gifts I got for Jess was a cute little cupcake shaped pinata. I saw it at the store and thought “I bet Jessica would love to beat the candy out of this bitch” so I had to get it. I filled it with some awesome treats then snuck down to the garage to hang it up. Then I went upstairs, looked at her on the couch and simply said “Grab your wooden sword and meet me in the garage.” She just smiled and looked at me as if to say “I don’t know why but I don’t care, let’s fuckin do this” which is reason number 5,374 why she is my best friend. She didn’t even ask “why?” She was just down lol She beat the living hell out of that thing. It was like some grotesque paper mache crime scene. Candy everywhere, rope still hanging from the rafter…the children were crying.
This is hands down my favorite picture of her that I have ever taken. It sums up her personality so well lol I would also like to take a minute to thank anyone who got Jessica a gift off her amazon list for her birthday. She got soo excited whenever she found a new item was on its way and it makes me smile to see her happy so thank you guys. And now I leave you all with a few pics from the set of “thank yous” I did for her gift givers because I love my body and this is my blog so I will post whatever I dam well please:
And that is all I have to say about that 🙂 Not much else is new. I got a raise recently at work which of course came with a fuckload of new responsibilities but I am fine with that because I am one of the few people in the world that actually likes their job. I don’t mind extra work if it means our company will gain something from it. I also have been reading a psychology book that I picked up not because I plan to become a psychiatrist but psychology fascinates me. It is the study of why and how you are the way you are so why wouldn’t somebody be interested in knowing more about the way they work. It’s kind of like reading an Owners Manual for your brain. Who knows, maybe I will change my career path and decide that I want to be a therapist and then all this reading will come in handy. Or I can just use it to secretly judge and psychoanalyze people that I know. Either way. I hope everyone has a great day and thank you again for reading my malarky ❤
This Is Halloween (Everybody Scream) November 1, 2011
Hello my little love muffins!! I hope you all had a safe and fun holiday weekend 🙂 Some people celebrated all weekend long but I chose to wait until the actual day of Halloween to bust out my costume. As most of you know from my Tumblr and Twitter, my best friend Jessica and I decided to dress up as Daria and Jane from the 90s show Daria. Well..Daria was originally from Beavis and Butthead if you want to get technical..which I always do 😀 I bought the majority of my outfit on Ebay because I figured I would only wear most of the stuff once so why spend $200 on one-use items. That is madness and I am far too cheap for that. Especially the combat boots I was wearing, I mean..they were cute but that whole “I’m gonna rip your face off cuz i’m a badass chick” thing isn’t my style. I would say I’m more of a “I’m gonna load you a bowl in my bong and teach you to love everything” girl. Here are some pics of us at the apartment before going out:
Before we went out we also watched Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline whilst making Halloween cookies 😀
None of us are into the nightclub scene so we opted to stroll around the Vegas Strip looking at all the tourists costumes and downing those delightful long beverages that can be purchased at your local Fat Tuesdays.
We parked at Planet Hollywood and just walked from one end back going into random casinos along the way. It’s hard to remember things in order from last night since my brain is still throbbing from all the Bacardi 151 that was in my drink but I think we went from Planet Hollywood to the New York New York, then the Excalibur, then we walked back in the direction of City Center and ended up inside of the Aria. Then this happened:
Which of course led to this:
Did you know that the Cosmopolitan has Umbrella Corporation art on it?
Then we met up with a friend of Jessica’s and headed back to the Planet Hollywood but on the way there people wanted to keep taking pictures with Jessica’s friend Matt lol Not sure why…he wasn’t even in a costume:
I also noticed that I was infatuated with butts that evening and spent a good portion of my time taking pictures of random girl’s rumps. Not creepy at all. Nope.
As we were walking around we came upon this random item. This kind of stuff is not at all weird in Vegas, I expect to see pool toys fully inflated and resting in a bush miles away from any pools or water of any kind.
Around 3am or so we decided to leave since I had to work this morning at 9:30 so we headed home and on the way grabbed my all time favorite food to eat when drunk: Del Taco! Here I am shoveling food into my mouthole:
And that’s pretty much it! We drank long drinks, smoked a few bowl on the Strip, then went home to grub away on the floor like animals. All in all I would say it was a glorious evening. And to top it all off I only drunk texted one person instead of everyone in my phonebook like I usually do lol I get happy/loving when I am drunk and I like to share it so typically I end up drunk and texting 8 different friends at once. OH! I got a sticker for my laptop from my friends at Daps so I would like to shamelessly plug their website here and make sure you all check out:
To show you how awesome they are just look at this lovely piece of artwork that they drew for me:
Well, that’s all I have to say about thaayaaat. I would have to say overall I was unimpressed by the costumes I saw this year and am so tired of all the “sexy cop” shit. Next year I expect to see wicked awesome costumes like people dressed up as Pulsars and like…Cthulhu. Step your game up dam it! And now I will have that horrible “Step your game up” song stuck in my head all day. I blame you guys. Later!!!