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Booze and Birthdays June 26, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 6:28 pm
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Hello blog readers!! Happy Tuesday to you all and welcome to more of my nonsensical  ramblings 😀 The past month or so has actually been pretty interesting so thankfully I don’t have to struggle through this post trying desperately to think of things that will amuse you enough to keep reading. Plus. there are slutty pictures in this blog so that in and of itself should be enough to make this worth reading/skimming through for photos. So let’s begin, shall we? A few weeks ago my roommate Jessica had her cousin Paula in town for a wee visit. She had recently turned 21 so naturally we all went out to get “white girl wasted” as Jessica likes to put it. Let me also just add that Paula is a fucking FOX. Not even fair. Check this girl out:

Standing next to her made me feel like I resemble Ron Howard or like…John Candy even. I do have self confidence but when I’m next to a mega-babe like this it just makes me feel frumpy. I decided to drink away my self loathing at dinner with some amazingly sugary alcoholic beverages 🙂 The Sugar Factory is my favorite place in town mostly due to the fact that their menu is themed after fatty snacks which, as most of you know, are my most favorite kind of snacks.

A root beer float drink and a giant drink with gummi worms and dry ice in it

Oh yes, that is a S more’s martini.

It is fair to say that I got a bit drunk that night. And by “a bit” I mean I got wasted then had to go wait in the car to get some air while I sent drunk texts to people that barely made any sense. Party. The next night we went to the Red Rock casino which is right down the street from where I live. We gorged ourselves at the buffet on countless plates of food that was not half bad. Then we went to see Prometheus mostly because I am going to marry Michael Fassbender and I feel as though I have to support my husband and his body of work. Now i’m thinking about his body…I need a minute…aaand i’m back. So we saw the movie in 3D and despite my apprehensions about spending $40 fucking dollars on 2 tickets I did it anyway and am soo glad I did. Fun Fact: 3D movies are the shit. I expected some lame ass movie with 2 seconds of “3d” anything but the whole movie was 3d which was pretty dam nifty. You kids and your technology these days. Jessica also got a gift card from her job to go on a little shopping trip to Top Shop so her and I drove our happy asses to the Fashion Show mall to spend other peoples money which is always fun. She got this wicked cute dress:

And I got this cute little bra because I just can’t help myself when it comes to shopping. And hey, it was on sale:

And this is what Jessica looks like after a long night of drinks:


Yesterday (June 25th) was not only Jessica’s birthday but it was also my boyfriend’s birthday. What are the odds that my two favorite human beings were born on the same day? She turned 25 and he turned 27 so we celebrated by going to Kona Grill. I had never been there but Jess really digs that place so we went and met her family there for dinner. I won’t bore you with some food review of the place but I will bore you with pictures of fooooooood:

Standard bathroom photo-op

One of the gifts I got for Jess was a cute little cupcake shaped pinata. I saw it at the store and thought “I bet Jessica would love to beat the candy out of this bitch” so I had to get it. I filled it with some awesome treats then snuck down to the garage to hang it up. Then I went upstairs, looked at her on the couch and simply said “Grab your wooden sword and meet me in the garage.” She just smiled and looked at me as if to say “I don’t know why but I don’t care, let’s fuckin do this” which is reason number 5,374 why she is my best friend. She didn’t even ask “why?” She was just down lol She beat the living hell out of that thing. It was like some grotesque paper mache crime scene. Candy everywhere, rope still hanging from the rafter…the children were crying.

This is hands down my favorite picture of her that I have ever taken. It sums up her personality so well lol I would also like to take a minute to thank anyone who got Jessica a gift off her amazon list for her birthday. She got soo excited whenever she found a new item was on its way and it makes me smile to see her happy so thank you guys. And now I leave you all with a few pics from the set of “thank yous” I did for her gift givers because I love my body and this is my blog so I will post whatever I dam well please:

And that is all I have to say about that 🙂 Not much else is new. I got a raise recently at work which of course came with a fuckload of new responsibilities but I am fine with that because I am one of the few people in the world that actually likes their job. I don’t mind extra work if it means our company will gain something from it. I also have been reading a psychology book that I picked up not because I plan to become a psychiatrist but psychology fascinates me. It is the study of why and how you are the way you are so why wouldn’t somebody be interested in knowing more about the way they work. It’s kind of like reading an Owners Manual for your brain. Who knows, maybe I will change my career path and decide that I want to be a therapist and then all this reading will come in handy. Or I can just use it to secretly judge and psychoanalyze people that I know. Either way. I hope everyone has a great day and thank you again for reading my malarky ❤


Birthdays and Breakdowns May 3, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 11:24 pm

Hello everyone! And Welcome to yet another blog post from yours truly. Well, quite a lot has been going on in my life lately. We got all settled into the new place and absolutely love it. I finally started using our gym and I am so glad I have brought a little exercise into my lazy life. I’m not working out to get skinny since I am already so thin that to lose any weight would only make me vanish into nothingness but I am doing it to get into better shape. It would be awesome if I could run up a flight of stairs without gasping for oxygen like a chain smoker named Darla. As we get older we need to exercise to keep our flesh-bags (bodies) functioning properly to avoid it falling apart so quickly. Work has been crazy too, we hired a new host and are switching over some operating systems so I have been going crazy trying to do everything on my own and it resulted in me having a tiny breakdown. It wasn’t just work but a whole plethora of malarkey that I just got overwhelmed with. To top it all off I woke up a week ago to find my phone was dead. It had been plugged in to the charger all night but it was just dead. I took it to Tmobile and they didn’t help much. They looked at it and said “It might be the battery but we don’t know. You should take it to the battery store down the street.” Really fool? I took my tmobile phone to tmobile to be fixed and you want to send me to some place I have never heard of cuz you can’t figure out why my overpriced smart phone kicked the bucket? Nice. I said no and he suggested I order a new phone so that is what I did. I had insurance on my phone so it only cost $5 to “exchange” my phone for one that works. Here is a fun fact for you: If you get insurance on your phone it only covers the phone itself and NOT the battery or the back of the phone. Oh, you read that right. This muppet explained to me that the phone and the battery have to be insured…separately to which I said “Oh, that makes sense.” in my most sarcastic voice possible. He knew I was pissed so he got nervous and his hands got all shaky. It was cute to see my wrath striking fear in the heart of the pudgy kid at Tmobile. Seriously though, that is like your car insurance people telling you “Oh your car itself is insured but in order to have insurance on the wheels and battery you need a whole new kind of insurance.” Madness. Spartan Madness. So anyway, I ordered the new phone and the bitch came the next day. I put my battery in it and it worked for about 30 minutes before my screen froze. I took out the battery and restarted the phone and it worked again for an hour or so. Since then it has been giving me more trouble than it was before. I may just go to buy a new battery this weekend, or order ANOTHER “new” phone. Or I may just take this digital whore out to the desert, tie it to a cactus, and shoot it repeatedly. It depends on my mood at the time. So that on top of my work stress, bill issues, and other personal matters, I freaked out a bit and took the day off work. I got in the car and just drove. I knew I wanted to head out to the mountains but didn’t have any specific destination in mind, I just wanted to get out of town before I got violent with people. It felt really freeing to just be driving with no idea where I was going. I spent the day just driving around listening to music and smoking weed. It was a nice vacation from reality. Plus, you may not know this but Las Vegas is surrounded by pretty stuff like Red Rock and Mt. Charleston. It’s not all dirt and neon out here.

This past week was also my 27th birthday!! It’s funny, when you are 7 your birthdays are such a big deal. “What presents am I gonna get? Will I have a party? What kind of cake do I want?” and then you get older and it slowly becomes “I only want money as a gift. I would go out but that would involve getting dressed and I don’t want that. Will this cake make my ass fat?”. Ahh the difference a decade makes. Each year gets me closer to 30 which is a scary number for a child like me. Inside I am still at the maturity level of about a 16 year old boy so at least I am young on the inside. I worked during the day but when I got off my best friend Jessica and my boyfriend wanted to take me to the Sugar Factory which is a candy store here in town that is attached to an awesome restaurant. The place is adorable and had countless themed drinks like the cinnamon toast crunch martini and this glorious bitch right here:

I got a crepe for dinner filled with creme brulee and topped with raspberry sorbet, whipped cream , and white chocolate almonds. It was a very mature decision to eat desert for dinner. I make awesome life choices.

The drink we got was 36 ounces so we just shared it and good lawd that thing was strong. Every sip felt like a shot so by the time dinner arrived me and Jessica were already tipsy. After dinner we staggered out of the Paris while fellating our giant lollipops. Again, very adult of me. Whenever me and Jessica take a picture of us all “dolled up” we both can’t help but feel awkward. We took a photo and both said we looked like awkward children trying on our mothers clothing. I did wear my favorite dress though!

The next day was my parents day to take me out to dinner and buy me more alcohol since my liver didn’t get enough the night before. We went to PF Changs because I know they both love that place and I honestly didn’t care where we went. I’m not picky at all in terms of food eateries. I also picked up my mail which had lots of neat little goodies from some of my Twitter friends 🙂 I love Amazon Wishlists man, they are a glorious invention for materialistic little girls like me. Here is some of the neat stuff I got:

This is a great book about how people are connected on an unconscious level. Fascinating stuff.

I cant wait to get this bitch framed

And of course I had to do at least one photo in the zombie panties since half of you only read my blog in an attempt to eye-hump slutty pictures of me so who am I to disappoint your perviness:

Last night Jessica and I were on the couch when she showed me a picture of a tent filled with pillows. We both said how comfy it looked so I turned to her and suggested we get out our tent and recreate the glory we had found online. Which we did 🙂 We just hung out eating fatty snacks and watching The Simpsons. It was pretty awesome.

And that is pretty much it! I would say it was a pretty dam good birthday. I went to a nice dinner with my favorite people and got a ridiculous amount of love from the people on twitter and Facebook which made me feel all tingly in my heart region. I really do appreciate all of you, you have no idea how much all of your kind words mean to me. I have a generally dark outlook on the world and the people in it since I study serial killers so often. I just know how twisted and insane humans can be and it makes me shut down and not want to really talk to people or go outside just because of how nuts we animals really are but to know that some of you out there are genuinely sweet and caring gives me hope in an otherwise bleak and scary world.  Thank you for reading my ramblings and I hope you all have a great weekend!! Stay safe, avoid white windowless vans and as a wise man once said: Be Excellent To Eachother.


Poh-Etray April 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 6:07 pm
                                              A Tale of The Desert & The Sea

There was once a time when the heart of the desert fell at the sight of the blue sea.
Overcome with it’s vastness and raw power of the waves, it’s energy made her feel free.

She admired the will of the water to do as it would please.
The desert had always been resilient and strong while the sea ran wild like an endless summer breeze.

She would gaze into the water and wonder if her feelings were ever returned by her unpredictable lover.
Day after day she would wait by the edge of the sea, hoping for a sign that he would never love another.

An answer never came, and she had expected such.
If he had acted any other way, would she have loved him as much?

But the tragedy of this tale is that their love could never be,
For the lonely desert was simply not meant to love the cold sea.



I’m Not Dead, Just Floating March 5, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 7:47 pm

Hello world! I bet you thought I died or was abducted by some cult that forced me to not blog and eat only sour patch kids while tied to a sofa. You didn’t think that? Oh..and here I thought everyone’s brain functioned on the same level of insanity to which I have become accustomed. Well, I haven’t blogged in a few months and that is because I have been going through a bit of malarkey lately. When I say “a bit of malarkey” I mean a fucking shitload of stupid and annoying circumstances have been screwing with my life and making me sad/angry/depressed/homocidle. As you already know from my last post, my Kia Rio kicked the bucket in December of 2011 and I was stuck with no car for a few weeks until Noah offered to help me get a new one. Not even my own parents had offered or even thought to help me out like that, but Noah did. I was blown away by it so of course I agreed and about two weeks later I had found the car I wanted. After some research I decided to get a 2012 Kia Soul. I have owned a kia in the past and for the most part it was a great vehicle so I wanted to get the same make as before. Also Kia Souls are adorable lol January 4th was the day Noah and I went to the Kia dealership to get my car and I was so freakin excited I could barely see straight. It was such a nice feeling getting into a brand new car that was all for me 🙂 It was leased under his name but the car was for me to drive so I took it home that night and gushed to my friends about my amazing boss Noah and my beautiful new car. The next morning I got up and to my surprise I had a wicked kink in my neck. It felt like whiplash and hurt so bad that I had to have my boyfriend help me out of bed. I couldn’t even turn my neck. I know I hadn’t slept wrong because a mere hour before my alarm went off I woke up for a brief moment to check the time and my neck was just fine. How it managed to kink up in under an hour was beyond me. I worked the kink out and shook it off as nothing then went to grab my coat. As I was shaking my coat (cat fur on it) the buckle came up and blasted me on my cuticle leaving a lovely little blood blister behind. This was all weird to me because I never get hurt. I don’t stub my toe on things, or fall down, or even get paper cuts..ever..so the fact that this morning started off with pain made me wary. I always listen to my instincts and my “gut” so I took these as signs that I should just stay home but it was the day after my boss bought me a car so the last thing I was gonna do was call in sick so I sucked it up, got into my pretty new car, and headed off to work. About 3 miles away from my office I was passing by a motel 6. The same motel 6 that I pass every other day but today was different. Today was the day that two car jackers hopped up on methamphetamine decided to drive full speed out of the motel 6 parking lot entrance and directly into my new car. They knocked my car over two lanes into oncoming traffic but luckily nobody was in the other lanes at the time. The airbags went off leaving lovely little bruises on my forearm and a cloud of smoke emerged from the dashboard. I got my shit together, calmed myself down, then got out of the car.

My Poor Busted Kia

I was kind of in shock so I couldn’t stand up straight at the time, I could only hunch over. I bet it was actually a pretty funny sight to see me hunching over and walking across the street like a 90 year old lady to talk to the idiots that hit me. If only I had that on camera. I got over to the couple (a man and woman) and the first words out of my mouth were “Did you not see me?!” To which the methed out man replied “There was a bush!” He then pointed at the bush in question which shot up about 2 feet off the ground. My car is 5-6 feet off the ground so how it was that this tiny bush prevented him from seeing me is beyond my realm of comprehension but then I don’t smoke meth so… I guess we are just on different levels of rationale. I called the cops and as I was doing so the two methies were huddled together having a conversation. The only words I kept hearing were “I’ve got warrants” so they were clearly outstanding citizens. As we were waiting for the cops to arrive the methies told me they were staying at the Motel 6 and that they were going to their room to grab some information. I never saw them again. The cops arrived and I very shakily told them what had happened. They took my statement and searched the other car to find the information of the other drivers. The name of the car was a Michele Smith. The driver told me his name was Brian and I didn’t even ask the name of his druggie woman because I was such a mess from the wreck that I couldn’t even think straight. After the tow truck driver took my car away my boyfriend showed up and took me home to deal with the mess of insurance that was about to begin. I had all the information on the other car since the cops let me see the insurance card for the other vehicle so I called her insurance provider and gave my claim. Here comes the worst part of the story: Claim was denied. Michele Smith wasn’t in the car because it was stolen from her which is also what the metro detective that called me said. Since my car was leased under Noah’s name and not mine I was shit out of luck. We had gotten the car 10 hours before the accident so I hadn’t put it on my insurance yet. No insurance. The car would have to be fixed out of my own pocket. The car was taken to the impound yard and in order to get it back it cost me $600 on top of having to pay a notary to sign me over power of attorney on the vehicle since only the owner can get it out of impound and again…Noah’s name is on the car, not mine. After the mess with the impound I then had to have my car towed (again) to a mechanic. I told him I could only afford to make the car drivable and that the cosmetic damage would have to be fixed later on. Two weeks later he finally called back with an estimate: $3,500. Of which I had about $200. It’s funny, I got a Kia thinking it would be cheap only to have the mechanic tell me that my parts cost as much as a Mercedes does to replace. Neat. I asked another boss of mine Mordi to loan me the money and he did so without a second thought. He just said “yeah no problem”. Granted…he is rich so money is not an issue to him but I was shocked again to find that someone not related to me was so willing to help me when I needed it most. I got the money and told the grease monkey to get started on fixing my car which took him one month and three days. It was now February 26th and I finally had my car back. The next day I noticed that the airbag light was flashing, which means they did not fix my car properly and it had to be taken back to the mechanic. At this point I lost my shit. I was doing so well at holding myself together and keeping my chin up for the past 2 months but I just couldn’t take anymore. After all that had happened my car still wasn’t fixed, even though I had paid over 3 grand for it. I had a meltdown. I cried like a baby and cursed a God I don’t believe in for “picking on me”. I felt like the world was against me and that I couldn’t win so I slipped into a bit of a depression. There is more to it than just the car, but this blog is long enough already so I will just say that 2012 has not been kind to Vuko in many ways.  I couldn’t even take the car back yet because the car wasn’t registered. I had been waiting to get the car back to do so but now I couldn’t even take it back to the mechanic because it took them so long to “fix” it that the paper plates had expired. The last thing I wanted was for the car to end up back in the impound so I didn’t drive it. Today I finally registered the car ( I finally could afford it) and now I can drive it again! I still have to take it back to the mechanic/pig fucker to fix the airbag light since he did it wrong the first fucking time but I am just stoked to be able to legally drive the dam thing again. For the past 2 weeks or so I have been driving my sister-in-laws busted looking Saturn.


Busted Old Saturn Dashboard


Beautiful New Kia Dashboard

I know I should just be grateful to have had the car at all since so many people take the bus but going from the brand new 2012 to the old busted 2001 car killed me. Now I have my car back and can focus on moving into my new place on the 12th of March! I am so excited to be getting a nicer place since I hate the area of town I live in right now. I am still stressed out though since I have to pay all the moving expenses of this new place on top of the fact that I owe Mordi 3 grand…on top of my credit card debt and the stupid amount of money I still owe to Verizon. *sigh* mountains of debt and I still have to fix the cars cosmetic damage but at least now I have found my smile again and don’t feel like jumping off a bridge like I did a few weeks ago. I feel like I am finally getting my life back together after the accident destroyed everything. It was crazy, I went from being the happiest I had ever been getting my new car to the most destroyed I have ever felt after the crash and all within 24 hours. Oh to be an adult. So much crap we have to experience. But hey, I got some serious life lessons all handed out in one incident and I feel as though I more capable of being able to handle situations like that should I ever encounter them again. You live, you learn. Also NEVER drive a car you are not insured on. I know you are thinking “Hey what are the odds of something happening?” but trust me fool…the odds are very good and you never know when life is going to bitch-slap you with a wake up call out of nowhere. And that has pretty much been my life for the past 2 and a half months. New car, accident, malarkey, now moving into a brand new place. I know some of you will read this and think “Oh this bitch and her first-world problems, waaah my car, waaah my debt” and I agree. These are silly problems when compared to the starvation and death of thousands of other people but these problems are mine and I feel strongly about them. I was always conflicted when I would start to cry and tell myself “How can you be sad about a hunk of metal and paper money when you have a roof over your head and food in your fridge?” but the tears still came. There was always a battle raging in my mind about whether I had to right to be depressed when I had so many other things to be thankful for but it is hard to keep that all in mind when one thing after another just keeps knocking you down no matter how hard you are trying to stand tall. I kept getting up though and here I am smiling again 🙂 Shit happens people, it happens all the time and often when you least expect it but hopefully you have the kind of support that I had from my friends, boss, and my future husband George. If it wasn’t for any of them I would be completely lost.

So now I finally have my car back and all is well with that 🙂 On Top of everything else going on we are moving into a new place on March 12th! No more ghetto little neighborhood, we are moving on up to the good part of town or as us locals know it, Summerlin. I have some photos from the website of the place I am moving into and I will have better ones once me and Jessica go Martha Stewart on that bitch and decorate it up with all of our nerd decor.

My New Living Room 🙂 It has cute bay windows too

A Picture From Outside

One of my favorite things about the new place is that it has stairs 😀 Not only will that provide me with a fun mini workout each day but I am very much looking forward to using my slinky on those bitches. So the year started off pretty shitty but it seems as though everything is beginning to turn around for the best. New place, new car (that I can finally drive again lol). What else is there…oh! My older and only brother Jeff is engaged. Again. He has been engaged about two times before this and it sucks that I can’t just be happy for him but he jumps so fast into relationships and rushes them so it worries me that he is trying to get married without thinking it through. Marriage is a BIG deal to me. Yes, divorce is an option if it doesn’t work out but the idea behind getting married isn’t “let’s hope it works out and if not oh well” it should be “This is the human I cannot live without and must have them in my life forever to be truly happy”. I just think that he is at an age that he always thought he would be married by now, with kids already and since he doesn’t have it he is trying to grab onto it with whoever he is dating at the time. The last girl he got engaged to, thinking she was ‘the one’ was a horrible little hobbit woman named Jet with a shitty personality and when they broke up she tried to take his dog whom he loves more than he loves me lol. That was the girl he was so sure of then so I have trouble trusting his judgement now. He hasn’t even told our parents that he is getting married yet because he doesn’t want to hear the speech they will inevitably give him about how he is moving too fast and should slow down. He has only known this girl for little over a year now. That is not sufficient time to really KNOW a person and their mannerisms and how they react in certain situations enough to want to spend the rest of your days with them. I just worry about him. I want him to be as happy as my parents are and as happy as I am with my man. I told him I wouldn’t rat him out to the parents and leave that up to him to tell them and it is soo hard to not tell them. I am horrible at keeping secrets lol They eat away at my brain until I share them with someone the same way my money burns tiny holes in my pockets forcing me to spend it all.

I think that is pretty much it. Things at work are crazy busy so I have lots to do between the move, work, and life in general. I usually like to blog about my life once every month and I always feel like a slacker when I miss a month so I will try to keep up with them now for the 3 or 4 of you that actually have interest in my weird little ass. I will blog again after we are all moved into the new place and things have settled down. Have a great Monday and thanks for taking the time out to read this post of mine 🙂


Broken Cars and Aquatic Hatred December 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 10:01 pm

Hello world! So it has been awhile since I posted a blog and I like to do one at least every month so that you don’t forget I exist 😀 The last few weeks has been…interesting to say the least. I guess we can start with the biggest issue in my life right now, which would be my car or lack there-of. About two weeks ago I was driving downtown near the Hard Rock when my car suddenly died. It was pretty random too, it didn’t make a  putting sound or die slowly it just literally shut off as though somebody flipped the “off” switch in my vehicle. I coasted my ass over to the side of the road and turned on my flashers so no muppet would hit me from behind. That’s what she said. Then I opened the hood and looked in at the engine as though I knew what I was looking for, like I had any clue what to do if I found the problem. It just made me feel better to open the hood I guess since that is what people typically do in a situation like that. I flagged down a few cars and none of them could help me. The first two people had no jumper cables and the cab that stopped to help me couldn’t do so for legal reasons. Here is a Fun Fact for you: If your car breaks down in Vegas the taxi drivers aren’t allowed to jump your car for liability reasons. Something about how if your car gets shorted out you can sue them or some shit. I called my bestie Jessica to come help me and when she arrived we googled “how to use jumper cables” lol Pathetic, I know, but we always have guys around to help us with that stuff so we didn’t actually know how to do it ourselves. We tried it and nothing happened so I sent Jessica into the Double Down Saloon to ask some big beefy dude to help us out. She emerged less than a minute later with some big biker dude. He tried to jump my car but it turns out it was totally broken so the jump did nothing. The goggles do nothing!! lol sorry. Random Simpsons moment. So anywho, big biker dude pushed my car into the parking lot of the Saloon and me and Jess called a tow truck. This was actually pretty amusing because it was really hard to find a tow truck driver at 3am that spoke English. Major language barrier here. When we finally got a hold of somebody his ringback tone was Madonna’s Like a Virgin. We laughed for like..10 minutes over that one. What 50 something year old Mexican tow truck driver like Madonna songs? Random. The next day we dropped my stupid car off at to be fixed and didn’t hear back from the mechanic for 2 days. At which point he told me they had no idea what happened to my car or why it broke but they DO know that I need a brand new engine. Of course I do. You don’t know how or why but you know you want me to give you about two thousand dollars huh? Yeah, no thanks. So I had my car towed back to my parents house where it now sits in their driveway…missing me…collecting dust. *le sigh* But never fear! My super awesome boss Noah is going to help me buy a new car so I should be mobile before the end of the year 🙂 I really do haaate being driven around by other people, it makes me feel like I’m 15 years old again. Coupled with the fact that I hate asking people for favors, this makes for one shitty situation but it could be sooo much worse. At least it was my car that broke down and not me or my body lol I could be in the hospital or something but nope, just my car. Things can always be worse people, remember that.

I have also noticed something about video games that I think is some kind of conspiracy: Water is evil. In dam near every video game I have ever played, the water themed level is not only super hard but exceedingly annoying. We are all familiar with the fuckery known as The Water Temple from Ocarina of Time but let’s explore this theory further, shall we? Sonic The Hedgehog on the Sega. All the levels were challenging yet fun, until you get to the Labyrinth Zone and have to deal with collecting little air bubbles, lest you die a painful death.


Then we have the Mario games, particularly Super Mario for the SNES. Great game, fun levels, except the water levels. Especially the Ghost Ship level….good lawd. Even in games like Scarface where if you fall into the water, you get eaten by a shark. A fucking shark son!


So what is it that video game developers have against H2O? Is it because they hate to shower? Bathing in general takes up precious video game time so maybe that is where this need to annoy us with water stems from. I can only assume.

I have to get back to doing something productive now so I will leave you know with this  comedy: http://youtu.be/Ly3OTtXdJEg    and the hopes that you and your loved ones have a great Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Robanukah or whatever it is you crazy kids celebrate these days.


This Is Halloween (Everybody Scream) November 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 6:52 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Hello my little love muffins!! I hope you all had a safe and fun holiday weekend 🙂 Some people celebrated all weekend long but I chose to wait until the actual day of Halloween to bust out my costume. As most of you know from my Tumblr  and Twitter, my best friend Jessica and I decided to dress up as Daria and Jane from the 90s show Daria. Well..Daria was originally from Beavis and Butthead if you want to get technical..which I always do 😀 I bought the majority of my outfit on Ebay because I figured I would only wear most of the stuff once so why spend $200 on one-use items. That is madness and I am far too cheap for that. Especially the combat boots I was wearing, I mean..they were cute but that whole “I’m gonna rip your face off cuz i’m a badass chick” thing isn’t my style. I would say I’m more of a “I’m gonna load you a bowl in my bong and teach you to love everything” girl. Here are some pics of us at the apartment before going out:

I look suuuper excited

Jane Lane

Daria Morgendorffer

Before we went out we also watched Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline whilst making Halloween cookies 😀

These are the cookies Jessica made 🙂

These are the cookies made by Vuko 🙂

None of us are into the nightclub scene so we opted to stroll around the Vegas Strip looking at all the tourists costumes and downing those delightful long beverages that can be purchased at your local Fat Tuesdays.

Mmmmm liquor

Outside of the Excalibur

We parked at Planet Hollywood and just walked from one end back going into random casinos along the way. It’s hard to remember things in order from last night since my brain is still throbbing from all the Bacardi 151 that was in my drink but I think we went from Planet Hollywood to the New York New York, then the Excalibur, then we walked back in the direction of City Center and ended up inside of the Aria. Then this happened:

Allll gone

Which of course led to this:

#FunFact Jessica's booty is like a pillow 🙂

And this:

We decided to start Vogue-ing next to the high fashion crap

"I work out"

Did you know that the Cosmopolitan has Umbrella Corporation art on it?

Then we met up with a friend of Jessica’s and headed back to the Planet Hollywood but on the way there people wanted to keep taking pictures with Jessica’s friend Matt lol Not sure why…he wasn’t even in a costume:

Maybe it's like Coming To America and he is the prince of some country I have never heard of

I also noticed that I was infatuated with butts that evening and spent a good portion of my time taking pictures of random girl’s rumps. Not creepy at all. Nope.

Wonder Woman booty

I'm actually really sad this one is blurry cuz that woman's ass was a thing of beauty

As we were walking around we came upon this random item. This kind of stuff is not at all weird in Vegas, I expect to see pool toys fully inflated and resting in a bush miles away from any pools or water of any kind.

Around 3am or so we decided to leave since I had to work this morning at 9:30 so we headed home and on the way grabbed my all time favorite food to eat when drunk: Del Taco! Here I am shoveling food into my mouthole:

Om nom

And that’s pretty much it! We drank long drinks, smoked a few bowl on the Strip, then went home to grub away on the floor like animals. All in all I would say it was a glorious evening. And to top it all off I only drunk texted one person instead of everyone in my phonebook like I usually do lol I get happy/loving when I am drunk and I like to share it so typically I end up drunk and texting 8 different friends at once. OH! I got a sticker for my laptop from my friends at Daps so I would like to shamelessly plug their website here and make sure you all check out:


To show you how awesome they are just look at this lovely piece of artwork that they drew for me:

It is currently hanging in my Living room

Well, that’s all I have to say about thaayaaat. I would have to say overall I was unimpressed by the costumes I saw this year and am so tired of all the “sexy cop” shit. Next year I expect to see wicked awesome costumes like people dressed up as Pulsars and like…Cthulhu. Step your game up dam it! And now I will have that horrible “Step your game up” song stuck in my head all day. I blame you guys. Later!!!


Silent Fucking and TMobile Malarkey October 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 7:03 pm

Greetings my loves!!! I hope you are all having a glorious day and if not, rest easy knowing that tomorrow is Friday 🙂 Also the simple fact that the Little Debbie snack food corporation is still around and pumping out individually wrapped pieces of heaven should be reason enough for you to smile. Life has been very good lately and I haven’t blogged in a few weeks so I thought I would come by and give some updates about mah life. Even if nobody reads these blogs of mine I like having them around so I can come back in a few years, read them, and not only see what was going on in my life at the time but also to giggle at how silly I can be from time to time.

The dust has finally settled from the whirlwind that was Jessica moving in and things are normal once again. I must say, living with your best friend is  awesome. It just feels like we are having a super extended slumber party. My sleep pattern has been a wee bit affected by it and by NO fault of hers. It is my own fault because I always wanna stay up late with her watching movies and looking at all the oddly shaped dicks on IsAnyoneUp.com even when I know I have to wake up the next day for work. The only other effect her moving in has had on me is my sex life. Not to say that I have less sex now that she lives with me, I just have much MUCH quieter sex lol Here is a Vuko Fun Fact for you: I am loud in bed. I’m not a tender moaner I am a screamer. Now that I have a roommate it’s rude to make her listen to my orgasms noises so I have been doing a really good job at not making any noise when I fuck. I have actually had some training in the art of the Quiet Fuck because when me and my boyfriend first started dating he moved in with me and my parents. We didn’t plan that it just..happened lol He would come over everyday and the first time we fell asleep in my room my Mom flung the door open and said in her angry voice “This is not a sleep-over!” but a week later he spent the night and they said nothing…so he stayed over again the next night…and the next night…and before we even realized it he was living with me and my parents and it was great. The only issue was of course the sex because the last thing I wanted was for my dad to be walking by my bedroom on the way to the kitchen only to have his ears raped with the sound of his only daughter being pounded out by her lover. Not cool. So needless to say we perfected the silent fucking and now that we have a roommate it is time to bust out those skills again so I don’t make the living situation awkward with my yells of pleasure. I really don’t wanna ever hear my friends fucking and I’m sure she feels the same way lol We decorated our place for Halloween too and here are some pictures of that:

The Neat Glow In The Dark tree on Jessica's bedroom door

The bloody weapon hangy-majigger that runs the length of my living room window

The classic "Do Not Enter" door tape

The Zombie guy next to my year-round zombie posters 🙂

Oooohs Ahhhhhhs


We went to Tmobile yesterday in an attempt to get the upgraded version of my phone but sadly..we encountered a bit of malarkey so now I still have my bastard phone. I brought it in because it had several technical issues like the fact that whenever I restarted my phone it would resend all of my old text messages thus making me look like an idiot to everyone in my contacts. It didn’t download picture messages due to an “unknown error”. The camera took waaaaay too long to take a picture. The lock button works funny. The keyboard has typing issues. Soo many things. Jessica bitched about her lame phone and Tmobile was like “Oh let us give you a new one” but when I bitched about the SAME phone…they told me they would have to update my current phone ans that I didn’t need a new one. Which is funny cuz I pay insurance each month for that phone as well as the money I pay each month on my warranty..so you’d think they would just give me a NEW one since it would cost them nothing at all but nay. They took my phone in the back for 30 minutes while they “ran an update” and of course the entire time I was worried about them lurking through all the pictures on my phone of me half-nekkid or with a dick in my mouth. Handing over my phone like that felt like someone was reading my diary lol I didn’t like it. So now my phone is updated which means that I guess they changed the color of the text message box or something lame like that. Not much of an update really…it’s the same stupid-non-working phone I had before but now the onscreen keyboard is “pretty”. Quite the update Tmobile. Thanks a bunch. Pig fucking sons of bitches.