Just The Girl Next Door (if she hunted zombies and watched porn)

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Road Warrior August 13, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 11:30 am

Hellooooo blog readers! It has been awhile since I posted anything. I usually try to keep it to about one post per month so that I don’t go overboard and start running out of things to talk about but last month I didn’t do any posts. This is mostly because the month of July sucked. It sucked long, and it sucked hard. So instead of posting any negative or overly depressing blogs I just chose to not do anything because well…this is my blog and I do what I want. If I so chose I could just post a recipe to bunt cake or ramble on for an hour about all the dirty and possibly illegal things I would do to Michael Fassbender if I ever met him in a dark alley so there!! But I digress. This past weekend I went to check out some new and interesting places to take my clothes off. Since I have started doing the whole “internet tramp” thing I always have the same thought when driving past any interesting looking places and that thought is “Ooh that would be a fun place to strip down and take pictures!” It used to be “I wonder when the next time we will stop for food is..” My how ten years and a pair of tits can change a girl’s thought process. Nevada is somewhat known for our multitude of ghost towns so what better place to take some fun pics. I personally think the reason that there are so many more ghost towns in this state than any other would be that people moved out here in their covered wagons and thought that this would be a great change from all the trees and water you find in the north only to find that it is in fact hotter than the devil’s nutsack out here and is almost completely devoid of any plant or animal life. Unless you count scorpions which I don’t since they are little more than tiny demons sent here to sting us and look menacing. During the week I looked up some of the more popular ghostie towns (yes I just said ghostie, don’t judge me for being cutesy) and narrowed it down to either Nelson Nevada or Bodie. Sadly I came to find that Bodie is about 6 hours away and I was not down for a 6 hour car ride just to take some smutty photographs so that made the final decision pretty easy. Now if you google image search “Nelson Ghost Town Nevada” what comes up are some photos displaying all the amazing little items on display in this “abandoned” town of old. At first glance one would assume this place is all but abandoned by all modern day people yes? Well one would be wrong. We drove all the way (okay so it was only an hour drive, not that bad but still wah) out there only to find that this place has become some tourist attraction filled with Nissans and muppetry. When you first pull up there is a tiny general store to park in front of next to which is a super welcoming (sarcasm) sign that states “This is NOT Disneyland. Please Check In At Desk”. This implies that one cannot simply roam about the town of Nelson and that one must first sign their name into some little book. I don’t know if you have ever been to Disneyland but you can’t just stroll in and start riding rides so I don’t quite get the connection they were trying to make there. To this I query: Has this person ever been to Disneyland? Granted I have not been to the Magic Kingdom in about 9 years but I am fairly certain the rules of the park have not changed much. Maybe they have and I’m just out of the loop. Needless to say the sign put a bad first impression in my mind. For the sake of avoiding being yelled at by any of the Hills Have Eyes residents of this dusty little town I chose to humor them and go into the store to check in. I guess “store” would be an inappropriate term as this place turned out to be more like a living room of sorts. I walk in and look to my right to find three very….round human beings all occupying a long couch next to the wall. They pause from their intense and assumingly thought-provoking conversation about donuts long enough to shoot my boyfriend and I a confused and fairly judgmental look that said “what the hell do you want?” Perhaps they found my booty shorts and pound of makeup off-putting. I scan the room to see that to the far left is a small room with information about the town of Nelson and directly in front of me is a refrigerator that one would find in any standard kitchen, with the cliché family photos and countless postcards tacked onto it like some badges of honor that say “this is no general store, but somebodies home”. I turn to my boyfriend and say “Well, we checked in, let’s get out of here before they make lampshades out of our flesh.” I assume all mountain folk are crazy. I blame movies for this. We walked back out into the town, strolled around for a moment, and came to find there was not a single place that would be suitable for the kind of photos I had in mind due to all the fellow tourists walking around taking pictures of the ambience with their cheap little disposable cameras. The last thing they want in the background of their family photos is my pasty ass taking my pants off and making pouty faces. Honestly I think this would have greatly improved their boring photos of the decaying town but that’s just me I guess. The town was only a short drive from Lake Mojave so I decided to cut my loses and head over there to see if there was a better and more private place to do the pictures. We hopped into the Kia, bid farewell to the Clampett family, and drove on to the lake. Once we arrived I was greeted with immediate disappointment. Families. Multiple families. All running around in the only areas that would be good for pictures. So many middle aged men with beer guts and no shirts. So many loud and rambunctious children. An abundance of tiny humans and overweight men. We walked down to the water just for the sake of sticking our feet in to cool off a bit and not only was the water filled with muppets but it was hot and also stinky. A Deadly combo. At this point my spirit had been broken and I felt the bitterness of defeat settle in. I stood in the water near the shore, as my feet became increasingly wrinkly, and thought it over. Eventually I chose my next course of action then turned back to my lover to say eloquently: “Fuck this, let’s go get a Slurpee.” We plodded back to car as the evil sun beat down on me adding sweat to my already defeated state. On the way home I noticed there were a few roads that seems to stretch on forever and I saw these as both artistically beautiful and also as potential nudie pic settings. At this point I suggested to my boyfriend that we take the standard yet well loved “This is me in a dress in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason looking aloof” photos and he agreed this would work so we gave it a go. We pulled over in about the middle of one of said endless roads and I got on my little dress. This is what I look like getting ready in the car:

Once the coast was clear and no cars were in sight we began the most laughter filled photo session ever. I had to stop and laugh every 2-3 minutes because I felt so silly in a dress and heels in the middle of the desert. None of it made any sense but shockingly we did get few pretty decent photos which I will now spam you with. The first one is my favorite one because it is a picture of me almost falling down. Note the “oh crap please don’t bust your ass on the asphalt” look on my face:

So very graceful 😛

And now, I bring you boobies:

Wooo!

Hooray for boobies!!! And cake. Hooray for cake. I have never really posted my rack before but dams it I like my bewbs so why hide them away like some children I am ashamed of. On a side note I am thinking of dying my hair again. It has been one color for months now and as most of you know I have hair a.d.d and get easily bored with the color. I had initially wanted to go back to red but it seems as though everyone is doing the redhead thing lately so I may just go back to blue and black since I lurved it so much. Something like this maybe:

IDK why this girl looks so angry. How can you be angry with such awesome hair?

And that is all I have to say about that. It’s Sunday right now which means tomorrow is Monday and back to work. Meh. For the rest of the night I will have my face glued to the television playing Skyrim. Imagine someone who takes everything too literally reading that and imagining my face covered in Elmers Glue and stuck to the glass screen. Why does my mind go to things like that? Who knows. Did someone say steak? I got all excited. And now that you are sufficiently confused I leave you with these parting words: Life is short and so is Danny DeVito. Take care!!

…..

…..Oh, you’re still here? What’s that you say? You feel jipped by that boobie picture? You’re right, it is kind of “hidden” boobage. It sometimes makes me feel like a hypocrite that I am always preaching self acceptance and being open with your body yet all my photos are just teases so for the sake of practicing what I preach here is a photo I took this morning when I got to work. Happy Robanukah bitches!!