Just The Girl Next Door (if she hunted zombies and watched porn)

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Birthdays and Breakdowns May 3, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 11:24 pm

Hello everyone! And Welcome to yet another blog post from yours truly. Well, quite a lot has been going on in my life lately. We got all settled into the new place and absolutely love it. I finally started using our gym and I am so glad I have brought a little exercise into my lazy life. I’m not working out to get skinny since I am already so thin that to lose any weight would only make me vanish into nothingness but I am doing it to get into better shape. It would be awesome if I could run up a flight of stairs without gasping for oxygen like a chain smoker named Darla. As we get older we need to exercise to keep our flesh-bags (bodies) functioning properly to avoid it falling apart so quickly. Work has been crazy too, we hired a new host and are switching over some operating systems so I have been going crazy trying to do everything on my own and it resulted in me having a tiny breakdown. It wasn’t just work but a whole plethora of malarkey that I just got overwhelmed with. To top it all off I woke up a week ago to find my phone was dead. It had been plugged in to the charger all night but it was just dead. I took it to Tmobile and they didn’t help much. They looked at it and said “It might be the battery but we don’t know. You should take it to the battery store down the street.” Really fool? I took my tmobile phone to tmobile to be fixed and you want to send me to some place I have never heard of cuz you can’t figure out why my overpriced smart phone kicked the bucket? Nice. I said no and he suggested I order a new phone so that is what I did. I had insurance on my phone so it only cost $5 to “exchange” my phone for one that works. Here is a fun fact for you: If you get insurance on your phone it only covers the phone itself and NOT the battery or the back of the phone. Oh, you read that right. This muppet explained to me that the phone and the battery have to be insured…separately to which I said “Oh, that makes sense.” in my most sarcastic voice possible. He knew I was pissed so he got nervous and his hands got all shaky. It was cute to see my wrath striking fear in the heart of the pudgy kid at Tmobile. Seriously though, that is like your car insurance people telling you “Oh your car itself is insured but in order to have insurance on the wheels and battery you need a whole new kind of insurance.” Madness. Spartan Madness. So anyway, I ordered the new phone and the bitch came the next day. I put my battery in it and it worked for about 30 minutes before my screen froze. I took out the battery and restarted the phone and it worked again for an hour or so. Since then it has been giving me more trouble than it was before. I may just go to buy a new battery this weekend, or order ANOTHER “new” phone. Or I may just take this digital whore out to the desert, tie it to a cactus, and shoot it repeatedly. It depends on my mood at the time. So that on top of my work stress, bill issues, and other personal matters, I freaked out a bit and took the day off work. I got in the car and just drove. I knew I wanted to head out to the mountains but didn’t have any specific destination in mind, I just wanted to get out of town before I got violent with people. It felt really freeing to just be driving with no idea where I was going. I spent the day just driving around listening to music and smoking weed. It was a nice vacation from reality. Plus, you may not know this but Las Vegas is surrounded by pretty stuff like Red Rock and Mt. Charleston. It’s not all dirt and neon out here.

This past week was also my 27th birthday!! It’s funny, when you are 7 your birthdays are such a big deal. “What presents am I gonna get? Will I have a party? What kind of cake do I want?” and then you get older and it slowly becomes “I only want money as a gift. I would go out but that would involve getting dressed and I don’t want that. Will this cake make my ass fat?”. Ahh the difference a decade makes. Each year gets me closer to 30 which is a scary number for a child like me. Inside I am still at the maturity level of about a 16 year old boy so at least I am young on the inside. I worked during the day but when I got off my best friend Jessica and my boyfriend wanted to take me to the Sugar Factory which is a candy store here in town that is attached to an awesome restaurant. The place is adorable and had countless themed drinks like the cinnamon toast crunch martini and this glorious bitch right here:

I got a crepe for dinner filled with creme brulee and topped with raspberry sorbet, whipped cream , and white chocolate almonds. It was a very mature decision to eat desert for dinner. I make awesome life choices.

The drink we got was 36 ounces so we just shared it and good lawd that thing was strong. Every sip felt like a shot so by the time dinner arrived me and Jessica were already tipsy. After dinner we staggered out of the Paris while fellating our giant lollipops. Again, very adult of me. Whenever me and Jessica take a picture of us all “dolled up” we both can’t help but feel awkward. We took a photo and both said we looked like awkward children trying on our mothers clothing. I did wear my favorite dress though!

The next day was my parents day to take me out to dinner and buy me more alcohol since my liver didn’t get enough the night before. We went to PF Changs because I know they both love that place and I honestly didn’t care where we went. I’m not picky at all in terms of food eateries. I also picked up my mail which had lots of neat little goodies from some of my Twitter friends 🙂 I love Amazon Wishlists man, they are a glorious invention for materialistic little girls like me. Here is some of the neat stuff I got:

This is a great book about how people are connected on an unconscious level. Fascinating stuff.

I cant wait to get this bitch framed

And of course I had to do at least one photo in the zombie panties since half of you only read my blog in an attempt to eye-hump slutty pictures of me so who am I to disappoint your perviness:

Last night Jessica and I were on the couch when she showed me a picture of a tent filled with pillows. We both said how comfy it looked so I turned to her and suggested we get out our tent and recreate the glory we had found online. Which we did 🙂 We just hung out eating fatty snacks and watching The Simpsons. It was pretty awesome.

And that is pretty much it! I would say it was a pretty dam good birthday. I went to a nice dinner with my favorite people and got a ridiculous amount of love from the people on twitter and Facebook which made me feel all tingly in my heart region. I really do appreciate all of you, you have no idea how much all of your kind words mean to me. I have a generally dark outlook on the world and the people in it since I study serial killers so often. I just know how twisted and insane humans can be and it makes me shut down and not want to really talk to people or go outside just because of how nuts we animals really are but to know that some of you out there are genuinely sweet and caring gives me hope in an otherwise bleak and scary world.  Thank you for reading my ramblings and I hope you all have a great weekend!! Stay safe, avoid white windowless vans and as a wise man once said: Be Excellent To Eachother.

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