Just The Girl Next Door (if she hunted zombies and watched porn)

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Remember That Movie, With That Guy? January 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — vukizzle @ 8:49 pm
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When I was a little girl, my Aunt owned a video store here in town called Action Video. My mother managed the store as well so when I wasn’t at school I was at work with my mom and Aunt. Now, there isn’t much to keep an 8 year old busy at a video store so I spent most of my time sitting in the aisles and reading all the movie boxes. I would literally sit indian style on the floor in front of the rows of movies and look at all the boxes, and read the movie description. Each day I would find 4-5 movies that peaked my interest and took them home to watch. Then the next day would be the same thing. I would go to Action Video with mom and while she worked I would look through all the movies to pick some out to bring home. Needless to say, I’ve seen a lot of movies. My favorite genres became horror and comedy. I loooved all the creepy box covers in the horror section and watched more of those movies than anything else. Another contributing factor to my movie freaked mind was my father. When most little girls were braiding their hair and playing with barbies my dad had me watching Apocalypse Now and Pale Rider with him. I am grateful for that though because now I have a love and appreciation for war movies and western films that most girls lack. The point of me telling you this is to explain why my mind is so movie-freaked. I quote movies daily and there are at least 8 points in the day where something reminds me of a movie. The only problem with this is not everyone has seen all the random movies I have so when I quote one, people look at me like I’m batshit crazy, which brings me to the point of this blog. I have decided to compile a list of movies that not many people have seen that I feel deserve to be watched at least once, just to say you have seen it. Not only that but because these are great movies that don’t get enough credit due to their obscurity. Let’s begin, shall we?

#1. Freaked

This movie used to be one of my favorites when i was younger because it’s super weird and..well..so am I. Freaked is a movie from 1993 and includes the familiar faces of Brooke Shields and Randy Quaid. Oh, and Mr. T wearing a dress.  The plot goes like this: stuck up actor tries to bang some hippie chick by driving her to a “protest” which leads them to a farm type place where they have a freak show. The show is run by Randy Quaid who is super extra crazy and uses a chemical to turn the actor, the actors homie, and the hippie chick into freaks. He then introduces them to his barn full of freaks who are all amazing looking and funny. One of them has a sock for a head, it’s great. I don’t want to give too much away as the point of this blog is for you to go see these movies so I will just leave you with some screen shots to entice you:

"I pity the fool that wears white after labor day!"

#2. Vanishing Point

If you follow me on twitter you’ve heard me talk about this film before. This was one of those movies that my father loved and made me watch multiple times. The movie was made in 1971 with some horrible remake later on that I will never watch. To sum it up a guy named Kowalski (Barry Newman) has to deliver a car. A very nice car. A white, 1970 Dodge Challenger. His goal is to deliver said sexy car from Colorado to San Fran Cisco, and bets his friend he can do it in 15 hours. Shortly after starting his little road trip he gets noticed by the cops for going fast and he refuses to stop, then begins the hour and a half car chase. He stops once or twice to meet with some interesting people but aside from that the whole movie is a car chase and its great. Wonderful ending, but I will let you find out what happens on your own.

#3. Oscar

Oh Oscar. This 1991 movie stars Sylvester Stallone as a ‘former’ mobster named Angelo “Snaps” Provolone. The whole movie starts off slow then flows like a stage show you would see in the theater. People coming in and out, mixing up bags, getting people confused with each other, random cameos and Tim Curry make this movie worth seeing once.

"They drew first blood, not me."

#4. Clay Pigeons

This dark comedy was released in 1998 and stars Joaquin Phoenix, Vince Vaughn, and Janeane Garofalo. Clay (played by Joaquin) witnesses the suicide of his best friend due to the fact that Clay is in fact nailing his besties super hot and slutty wife. Enter Vince Vaughn who plays a serial killer named Lester the Molester. Oh yes, I shit you not. If that isn’t enough to convince you that this movie is worth seeing, then I don’t know what is.

Vince being all molestery in his cowboy hat

The hot slutty wife being hot and slutty

#5. Buying The Cow

This is one of those movies that nobody has heard of and when you watch it you keep saying “He is in this movie? Holy crap, she is in this movie too?” due to the fact that this movie is full of familiar faces. Jerry O’Connell, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Bellamy, Alyssa Milano, Annabeth Gish, and Ron Livingston (Peter from Office Space). Alyssa Milano plays a cute stripper then at one point Ryan Reynolds thinks he is gay and tries very hard to deal with it..hilarity ensues. The main story revolves around Jerry being in a relationship that he is afraid to move forward with and him wanting to take a step back and asses his situation while funny things unfold around him.

#6. The Birdcage

This movie is amazing. Robin Williams is always great but he really shines in this movie as a gay man who owns a gay cabaret in Miami with his lover Nathan Lane. Their butler/ maid named Agador is played by Hank Azaria who is fabulous and has the best accent in this movie. Robin Williams son shows up and announces he is engaged. The only problem is that he is engaged to a senators daughter and fearing that his background wouldn’t be good enough he lies and tells the senator that Robin Williams is the cultural attaché to Greece. Shit really hits the fan when the senator and his wife come to dinner at Robin Williams home which is located above his drag show/cabaret named The Birdcage.

#7. Live Freaky Die Freaky

A warning comes with this recommendation: If you are easily offended you should not see this movie. It is a puppet recreation of the Manson family murder of Sharon Tate as well as the days leading up to, and following the crime. The puppets are voiced by such celebrities as Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool from Green Day, Kelly Osbourne, Travis Barker,  Jane Wiedlin from the GoGos, Asia Argento, as well as Benji and Joel Madden. The movie gets pretty graphic at one point so as I have said, only watch this movie if you are into super extra weird shit and are not easily offended.

#8. The Virgin Suicides

This movie is pretty self explanatory, given the title. It’s about a group of young sisters that kill themselves because they felt lost and trapped in the home of their overbearing mother and clueless father. The movie stars Kirsten Dunst as Lux, one of the sisters and James Woods as the father. It also has Josh Hartnett’s fine ass in it which is always a good addition to any film. The Virgin Suicides was originally a novel that became a movie in 1993 and is narrated from the perspective of a group of teen boys that became infatuated with the girls. Another crazy ending but I won’t spoil it for you.

#9. Orgazmo

There are way too many people I know that have never even heard of this movie and that makes me a saaaad panda. Written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, this movie follows an innocent young mormon Joe Young (played by Trey Parker) as he is suddenly thrust (lol get it? thrust?) into the world of porn. A director offers him a vast sum of money to be in his film and he doesn’t even have to fuck anyone! Naturally he agrees and soon finds that the director has no intention of paying him what he is owed. With the help of his trusty companion, Choda Boy, Joe becomes Orgazmo and brings down the evil porn ring.

#10. UHF

UHF is a comedy movie that stars Weird Al and other actors that you would recognize but nobody know the name of. This movie was made in 1989 around the peak of Weird Al Yankovic’s popularity. In it are several spoofs of movies like Rambo and Conan The Barbarian, which Weird Al turns into Conan The Librarian. Al is given a crappy little tv station to take over and using his creative imagination turns the run down station into one of the most popular stations in the county which does not sit well with the evil doucher that runs the major station, channel 8. This movie is absolutely hilarious and full of one liners so do yourself a favor and go watch this one.

"Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?"

Al as Rambo

Now, I have decided to leave it at 10 for now beause honestly, I am lazy and getting bored now lol. I know there are hundreds of awesome movies that are not mentioned here and this is just a small list so if you feel as though there is a movie that should have been on this list, simply leave a comment with the names of the movies and maybe they will make it into my next movie list 😀

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